And she said "Honey, here's a quarter -- go put it in a washing machine!"

Once again, I find myself caught in the throws of yet another unproductive semester. What's worse than that, I think, is my superbly tuned ability to fool myself. "This year," I tell myself ritually, "this year is going to be different. I'm going to go to class! I'm going to get organized! I'm going to take it easy on the mind-altering substances!" I always halfway believe it, too.

So, I've got this paper on The Stranger that I need to be writing. This essay is particularly important to me for a number of reasons: 1.) I love this book. My life simply hasn't been the same since I first read it in high school. I spent hours listening to Radiohead and contemplating the estrangement inherent in an indifferent and ultimately cruel cosmos (which, at Seventeen, was limited to twelve o'clock curfews and unreciprocated high school crushes.) Thing is, I have a very hard time writing critically about books that I love -- especially books as sparse and enigmatic as The Stranger. 2.) I just got off severely mind-numbing medication, and I'm worried that the bad papers I tried to pass off as being the result of the medicine's side effects, which include but are not limited to an inability to focus, lack of ambition, depressive and/or suicidal tendencies, and a general loss of interest may actually be indicative of a larger problem with my writing.

I don't know. There's a lot of pressure to do well. It's more for me than anyone else; and, even though I find myself saying that a lot, I think I mean it this time. I just want to prove that I haven't lost "the touch" -- that I can still write well and with confidence. But with two incredibly lackluster papers under my belt in this class, the apprehension is absolutely crushing.

How's that for dramatic?

Other than that, things are going well. Life without the meds is great. Now I realize just how much I love my job, my new place, and my friends. Gone is the haze of anxiety and general depression (though you probably wouldn't be able to tell from my previous rant) that clouded my vision all semester. It feels almost like seeing the world for the first time in three months.

There's more to report, but I should really get back to the intellectual grindstone. By that, I mean I should resume my staring contest with The Stranger and see which one of us breaks first. Place your bets now.

- Jezy